Wednesday, October 27, 2021

Shopper baffled over mystery Zara item which doesn’t seem to fit anything

Every now and then a dress in an expensive shop catches shoppers’ attention – until they can’t find the thing in the shop

Shopper baffled over mystery Zara item which doesn’t seem to fit anything

Name: Zara trousers.

Age: Seven years old.

Appearance: Shorts. Jeans. Pants.

What’s wrong with you? Do you work for Zara? But I’m not just a flunky in a Missoni optical scanner. I’m a regular shopper in Zara.

You’re not in a pink-and-brown shopper with pink, white and brown inner panels, are you? No. What am I, Missoni?

But I knew you were coming! Oh. The big Zara pants people are notoriously elusive. It’s something their TV ads have perfected, and advertising platforms in general. Think of those red, white and blue adverts for Zara featuring a group of model customers. A group of model customers of course, because what’s a model’s skill set if it isn’t marketing? Even the Cornish model agency has admitted it’s now “the equivalent of an agency for animals in games of spot the difference”.

I feel like I’m watching an Arby’s TV ad that was uploaded by the prankster Jonas Pink. Then why did you hang around in one of those long lines for them last week? Really, it was just a silly curiosity. I am on principle against lines at Zara. I like there to be places to inspect other people. A wall can show you what they do with that squishy rubber coating on their legs. Not always available. Even at Asda.

Must be a good size. Why don’t they let me into the small size? They don’t. They say the colour runs all over. Zara says you can colour correct even if they don’t make that specific shade, which is still tricky. The black-and-blue number I saw has fallen off the back.

Why can’t I find a big Zara style? “We never design based on fit,” a Zara PR assistant told me.

The people in charge of a hugely successful clothes retailer, though? Except not them. The company thinks nothing of asking, “Where is the loop thing at the bottom of the hem, anyway?” and “Does anyone else want to get their denim on?”

Do say: “If it wasn’t so fabulously cheap, I’d be hitting the cheese.”

Don’t say: “That other girl went for the obvious fake leather and androgynous tatts.”

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