And finally, under “The Conan Doctrine,” all commencement speakers who shamelessly pander with cheap, inside references designed to get childish applause, will be forced to apologize— to the greatest graduating class in the history of the world. It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. My peers and I have all missed that mark in a thousand different ways. It’s not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention. Finally, if I had gone to Dartmouth, today I’d be getting an honorary degree at Harvard.

How could this be true? Of course, your greatest fictitious graduate is Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner. Emergency Notification More details. It was the making of a career disaster, and a terrible analogy. The only place where they are now really qualified to get a job is ancient Greece. To this day I still don’t understand exactly what happened, but I have never had more fun, been more challenged—and this is important—had more conviction about what I was doing. Something to keep my attention, because I have been to graduation many times and Commencement speeches are always the worst.

I played the guitar.

In some ways he was, but in many ways he wasn’t. They must, however, be on campus during their Sophomore 4th of July. I started tweeting my comedy. He emulated Jack Benny, but his own quirks and mannerisms, along with a changing medium, pulled him in a different direction. Nietzsche famously said “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

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conan obrien graduation speech dartmouth

And yet his failure to completely become his hero made him the funniest person of his generation. He emulated Jack Benny, but his own quirks and mannerisms, along with a changing medium, pulled him in a different direction. In —in —I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still believe that. Dartmouth class of rules! So, at the age of 47, after 25 years of obsessively pursuing my dream, that dream changed.

When I was 17 obrlen old and touring colleges, way back in the fall ofI came to Dartmouth. To this day I still don’t understand exactly what happened, but I have never had more fun, been more challenged—and this is important—had more conviction about what I was doing.

Conan O’Brien Delivers Commencement Address

That’s right, I want my message today to be forever remembered because it changed the world. Finally, if I had gone to Dartmouth, today I’d be getting an honorary degree at Harvard.

It was the Holy Grail, and like many people I thought that achieving that goal would define me as successful. You are a great school, and you deserve a historic commencement address.

If I had gone to Dartmouth, I’d have a liver the size and consistency of a bean bag chair.

And all MBA students will be immediately transferred to a white collar prison. Late last night I snuck out here and sat in every seat. Dartmouth was a very different place back then. I went to college with many people who prided themselves on knowing exactly who they were and exactly where they were going. I threw together a national tour. Good God, man, what the hell are you compensating for? After my phone call with President Kim, I decided to find out a little bit about the man.

  CURRICULUM VITAE OMIL

But today I tell you that whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come. Green Key weekend sees few arrests. But then came. I did not get what I wanted, and I left a system that had nurtured and help define me for the better part of seventeen years. Yes, I’ve always had a special bond with this school. My first job as your commencement speaker is to illustrate that life is not fair. And yet his failure to completely become his hero made him the funniest person of his generation.

What Seniors Want in a Commencement Speaker

Yes, I’ve done my obrienn. Man, can you imagine if a real Treasury Secretary made those kinds of decisions? It was the Holy Grail, and like many people I thought that achieving that goal would define me as successful. Yes, you parents must be patient because it is indeed a grim job market out there. Don’t let those bastards do it.

conan obrien graduation speech dartmouth